I think I might explode soon. These thoughts running around my head, like a man running treadmill for hours, the amount of frictions created the amount of wear and tear. It’s been a long time since I ever felt this way, but sometimes, I feel so caught up with the world and trying to impress it. I sometimes forget and lose myself in the process. I feel like I’m putting a mask on once again. And even though how hard I try to be myself, I can’t. Is it even possible? Isn’t everyone putting on a mask too? Then, how am I different from the rest? I’m so tired of living, so tired of explaining myself and justifying my actions. Please don’t get the wrong idea; I’m not thinking about suicide when I said ‘tired of living’. Living - a formal word emphasizing the continuing existence or survival of something. Everyday I’m trying to survive in this world, in this new environment. This new environment that it’s unprotected as compared to secondary school; this practicality of do or die. It’s getting real and harsh. It’s getting more and more unbearable. Francois de La Rochefoucalud once said, we are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
