im bummed out. so, results are out. tears of joy. not. sigh, im really disappointed in my grades. really. i expected half of what i.ve scored. its not fair. it isnt really fair. i couldnt help but just feel so inferior by the people im surrounded with. and even though i should be relieve that i didnt fail or anything. i am expect distinctions. and not just random number telling you that you passed.
on the brighter note, i am glad that i.ve very suppportive mom and dads who calls me twice even though i hanged up on them the first time. parents that sent you, i luv you baby. and they dont blame you for the bad results. it makes me tear cause felt that i didnt do them enough justice by giving them good grades. i just..i just..
people have been telling me a thousand and one times that God has a plan for me. but. why me? why not her? or him? cant i just be an average student who gets 15 points and go to the desired courses of my choice. why am i below it and even though i put so much effort into the whole fucking examination last year. it felt like the two digit just doubted the slightest existance of my efforts being present the whole year. i did my worksheets and past year papers. what went wrong? So they said, o levels is unpredictable. well. here it is proven. unpredictable uncomprehensible. i really dont get it. i really dont. Dear God, if it is your will to take me some place esle and use to me to preach the gospel. well take it and consecrate it. mom said, 'God has closed all doors for you to go jc'. sounds cheesy but, least its comforting i guess to know that God, somewhat hiding behind a fluffy cloud in the heavens looking down at us, has a plan for me. well overall and above all, im just glad i had friends and family that called in and checked up on me. uli's companion, roy and eunice picking me up from work, shiva calling in to check on me, wira being fucked up as usual. lu's comfort. and of course my awesome DG leaders:). life 'isnt' that bad now. just that, i.ve to go through a hell of a torture this whole bloody week. making up my mind and choosing the course/fate that im taking.
i am so depress. so bad ass about the bull shit i am in, that i wanna get wasted. i want to get fucking wasted. i want to numb this feeling :'(
so hows my english? c six?
okay moving on desiree. moving on. this is just other passing phrase
